August 12, 2021
Hello world! I've been gone a very long time.... You know how it is... Life gets you, things change, your head starts to spin, and you loose track of things that may or may not matter to you. A lot has happened in life since I last wrote. So much has changed! It's definitely too much to ramble on and on about here.
But just know that I have been transforming my life for the past 8 months.
I wasn't taking time for ME! We all need to do that. Take time for ourselves.... but do we? Do we really? I thought that I kinda did, but no. I'm the type of person who always puts other's needs before my own. I had drained my bucket. There was not anymore of me to give. I was tired, sad, no energy, just sat around, was depressed.... boy have I been depressed. It's like I was just passing through time to just get it over with.
That's not how it should be! COVID hit, and my world along with everything else in this world changed. I finally decided enough was enough. I was going to do something with my life, with my health. I was tired of being fat and unhappy. I was unhappy with so many things, especially with myself. I had tried to make myself accept that that was the way that I was always going be. There was no hope for me. Why should there be?
My hope came back. I fought for it after seeing a friend of mine go through a transformational change. She gave me hope. Don't you just love "Hope Dealers" :). That hope sorted and blossomed into something magnificent. I've been working on myself. I started the program that is changing me holistically. I love it! I lost 54 pounds in 6 months. I went down from a full size 14 to a size 6. I have learned how to fuel my body like I'm supposed to. I take care of it so much better now! I have learned that I need to deal with my demons and those awful thoughts that I would have about myself. I'm a wonderful work in progress! I am finding that I love myself more and more every day. I sleep so much better. I have so much more energy. I've started exercising again. I love me :)
I love me and I'm going to take care of myself. This journey first started out as just loosing that weight that I didn't want. Little did I know how much more it was going to give me! I feel so much happier. Wyatt even said that I seem so much more happier now than I did before I started this program. You know what... HE IS RIGHT!
His comment makes me wonder what he really saw of me then. I thought that I was putting on a good show. I guess not. I have role-modeled such a amazing transformation that he wants to do it to. He wants to better. I'm so happy for him. He's decided that we are going to clean up his nutrition! We are going to start at the beginning of September.
I wished that I had documented my journey over those 6 months but I didn't. I was afraid and ashamed of what I had become. Would anyone notice if I changed? Well, yeah! They did and they do. Your mind is such an amazing and dangerous thing. It takes work to rewire it and I am doing the work. I do not want my children to go through what I have. I want their minds to be positive. I have to role model it and hope for the best.
Hope. Hope is such a powerful thing. Don't ever lose hope! Great things come to those who are patient. You just have to know when it's the right time to jump!
I am a "Hope Dealer" now. Spreading hope and love and affirmations. We can do this! We can change and be better! We can change our mindsets and learn to love ourselves again. It just takes hope, patience, and a little nudge from a "Hope Dealer" ;)
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